8 1/2 steps forward, a follow up, it's disequilibrium, folks

My dad and my aunt (his sister) are regular readers of my blog.  Which I love.  They are both avid readers of all sorts, and it's obvious in their writing skills, vocabulary and ability to share their wisdom clearly. Both of them get email updates of the blog when I post, and I honestly don't know if they ever click through to the actual webpage.  Frequently one of them will reply to the email and share a memory or thought.  I do wish they would comment on the actual blog, you know, for the permanent record...

Well, in addition to several relatively immediate comments on my last post, 8 Steps Forward, from all my fave adoptive moms out there, I also got a reply from both Dad and Aunt Dee.  By email of course.  I asked if I could share and Dad said sure and as soon as I hear back from Dee I'll post this.  

Also, here's a link to Charlotte's book recommendations.  She may have been rambling, but as the saying goes, when Charlotte rambles, we listen.  As long as she's not drooling AND rambling.  Then we just turn away... oh Charlotte, we say.

So, jumping forward another half step thanks to wisdom from Dad, Dee and Charlotte.  

Dad:

It's going to be really interesting asking him about these observations and concerns 25 years, maybe only 15, from now.

I'd say could be something about his not being from around here but more likely a period of disequilibrium and synapses development.  Or otherwise known as not knowing which way to turn so he tries all kinds of emotions and finds out what kind of reactions he gets.

Dee:  

Structure is ESSENTIAL.  also remember that he is approaching a period of disequilibrium.  I learned about this from the PhD student who lived next door to us when Dan was a baby.  Piaget (sp?) and several other child experts, as well as Gail Sheehy (altho she does this for adults) talk about periods of equilibrium, when all aspects of growth and development seem to be working together, and periods of disequilibrium, when these aspects are out of balance.  Hence the terrible twos and the fierce fours.  Then the periods get longer than two years.  Sheehy (in Passages -  a wonderful book - breaks them down by decades.)
But yes, all those things you describe as happening to him are important, plus where he is in his very own development.  And, he's also testing you to be sure you are going to respond, and be there!
But you are all lucky in love!
x0x0

Comments

[Julie]

Wow. No wonder you are so smart Beck. I'm going to need your dad's e-mail, oh and his sister's too.

[Jess]

Tell them both, that we all need them to leave their comments on the blog, because we all need to hear what they're saying, because they obviously know what their talking about. Otherwise, I will be needing their emails as well:)

[abaco]

You sound wonderfully tuned in to your children and their needs. Thank you for sharing your experiences!

There’s a section (and maybe a chart, too?) describing the disequilibrium cycles in the Ames/Ilg books that Charlotte mentioned. Pretty sure it was in the one-year-old book.

[tesi]

I don't know how I missed that first post. You guys are so smart to take it back "old school" with MZ. We can never be too sure as adoptive moms, that's one thing that's certain.

I love "getting to know" people whose opinions I respect's people whose opinions they respect. (Does that make sense?) Anyway, it restores my faith in humanity that there's more people out there like you.

[Tiffany]

I'm heading to the library tonight...

[charlotte]

Wow- Your family is very insightful. Tell your dad and aunt to start commenting here please. Yes- the Ames/Ilg books frequently talk about the disequilibrium cycles and I believe the charts are in quite a few of the early childhood books.

I have actually been waiting for them to come out with
'Your Forty Three Year Old: Tired or Cranky' Because this cycle continues past childhood, I am sure of it :)

Okay now I really am drooling.

[jocelyn]

Very interesting...hmmm!!

[Cindy]

I second, third, fourth, fifth the request to have your Dad and Dee comment. Whew, as I said in my last post: I am learning so much from reading your blog! (Also, the comment about Charlotte cracks me - drool! lol)